“Ha-ha-ha” … Look, it’s the holiday tree! By Jaime Ryan

Today, we can say “ass” on primetime television and a five year old can open up the newspaper and look at advertisements for lingerie that mirror pornography of a generation ago… But this holiday season, mall Santas, or should I say heavy-set white-bearded men in red suits, are asked to say “ha-ha-ha” instead of “ho-ho-ho” because “ho” is a slang term referencing the word “whore”. We can’t call the tall green thing with lights on it a Christmas Tree either. In Washington D.C. this seasonally decorated evergreen’s name was changed this year from the “Holiday Tree”, the first term coined to hide its original meaning, to the “People’s Tree”. So what is next? And, why aren’t we referring to a menorah a holiday candle holder, and the kinara candles of Kwanza as Afro-Holiday combustion sticks?

We have become overcome with political correctness these days, and everyone has their platform from which they sit high and mighty preaching their own values and their willingness to accommodate everyone’s needs. We tell kids that “everyone is a winner” and we support this by giving them all a trophy at their various banquets for their multiple activities. Yet we laugh when we see that Greg Focker* has a 10th place ribbon hanging on his bedroom wall. Tenth place is nine places from first … somebody always wins and somebody always loses, but we are creating of a nation that is enabled and entitled. By renaming inanimate objects that already have identities describing what they are (i.e.: Christmas Tree), we are perpetuating a destructive culture in which everyone wants individual rewards but they quickly blame the group if something goes wrong. So we have to ask ourselves, if no one is wrong, is anyone right?

What it has really come down to is that we have stopped respecting the differences that make up our nation and started trying to avoid any type of conflict that comes from them. So this December 25th [formerly: Christmas], I will buy into a timeless holiday story that we [insert: good Christians] continue to believe [read: collective lie]. I will buy gifts for my loved ones and place them under the Family Tree [formerly: Christmas Tree], and set out lactose-free milk [formerly: milk] and nut-, gluten-, fat-, sugar-, sodium-free protein bars [formerly: cookies] for the clinically obese person in a red suit [formerly: Santa (sex = male)] who will land with his sleigh on the solar-powered roof, and then sneak in the front door [formerly: chimney – responsible for omitting carbon dioxide supposedly contributing to global warming], drop off holiday gifts [formerly: Christmas presents], and quietly return to his reindeer, making sure (not) to give Rudolph, the different reindeer, preferential treatment.

So … “ho-ho-ho” Merry Christmas! And, to you and yours, enjoy Christmas/ Hanukkah/Yule/Eid Al-Ahda/Boxing Day/Kwanza and Happy Holidays!


*Ben Stiller’s character in the blockbuster movie, Meet the Fockers


One thought on ““Ha-ha-ha” … Look, it’s the holiday tree! By Jaime Ryan

  1. Jaime,
    Interesting post. I’m not sure I completely agree with your position, but this could be a good thing to discuss at journal club when we return. To me I always wonder why we tag a statement meant to be respectful to others as being “politically correct” instead of just correct. Does that imply we want to be disrespectful but just “know better”?

    Anyway here’s the best cartoon Christmas special ever and UMD has a cameo:

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